1. |
Intro/Fragments
05:54
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how far will this go? i’m already in so deep, breathing dirt, coughing up debris. brick by brick i built this wall too fucking high to ever climb. the ropes i’ve thrown across have all been thrown back. it seems the seas have swallowed everything that’s ever meant anything to me. i search their shores for washed-up fragments to get me through the night. an endless fucking routine.cursing the heavens for not waking me from these forsaken memories. remember how i promised you the world, and how we felt so damn alive? how it felt to truly love as we watched the seasons slowly die. remember all those countless days i waited? patience is no fucking virtue, child. oh how much fear and anguish can be hidden in a smile. it seemed so worth the hours searching for the perfect lines to write, the perfect shit to say. it always ends the same. i’ve drawn the line far too many times. found ways to forgive you, never forgiving myself. half empty bottles. stumbling home. still sitting here, alone.
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2. |
To You, A Thought
02:57
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sketching the sun on this canvas we call our hearts. and i’ve given in too many times that giving up just seems so tempting. at least it spares us the struggle of getting back on our feet. i’m so sick of seeking refuge, of being stuck in this hollow comfort between walls i’ve grown so close to. becoming deaf to words around me, blind to the beauty in so many faces that have passed me by. as we rely on others to pick up the brush and start painting, to loosen the stitches to our wounds, wipe our conscience clean of mistakes we've made. and in the end it's all were stuck with. a soundtrack, a tragedy, a smile. maybe a house somewhere we use to call home. a couple of dusty pictures. this blood is our own. its vessel our home. its beat our melody. our random song. i retrace the steps back to where i began to obsess with the absolute truth that i saw in you, and “choose any part of my body to keep”, i’ll say. but let me return with a mind and a heart open to a world that i fucking forgot while i was too busy holding on to a world that i never truly needed. but nevertheless, i guess we´ll never be prepared for this. and frankly, i don’t really give a shit anymore. sadly, i merely have a handful of spare truths left. and honestly, don’t bother to listen to me - i’ve chosen this. standing in the cloud’s shadow it’s not too hard to recognize the chance of rain, were it not for the way it feels on our skin. if only it weren’t for the beautiful smell.
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3. |
Forgiveness
02:47
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beneath all these layers of skin. unsure of what truly lies within. behind these lips a clenched jaw, from too many words unsaid. thankfulness for what you did. and continued to do, expecting nothing in return. i'm so fucking sorry, i guess sometimes the memories lie, or the ones we choose to recall don't always outweigh truths we've forgotten by and by. at times i feel like the biggest hypocrite of them all. in hindsight i realize how hard it must have been, yet still i struggle to grasp how much sense it made to waste the days trying to prevent your so-called failure in the eyes of god. i know it's guilt you couldn't live with. damn it, we're so different, yet so alike. i couldn't care less about your beliefs, but i'll never put anything before those that mean the world to me. you've made your point and i'm pretty sure i've made mine. when you depart, i don't think i could live, never having told you this. i look up to you for who you are. and i probably owe more than i could ever repay. and one of these days we'll realize that we've realized certain things too late. too late.
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4. |
Scenery Fade
06:53
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drenched in sweat i lie awake. these frozen limbs have seen better days. the screams are ringing, my mind is reeling. it’s grabbing me by the throat. trying to grab ahold of this fragment of hope that left my lungs in the last breath that numbed my hands, then left my body cold. this is the price you pay for carving your words in stone, for breathing the lies you polished so white and coated in the softest song. why return? why defy? why stand so fucking firm yet drift so far awry? this is where everything ends. before i read through these chapters again i’ll burn all the pages i failed to comprehend. trying to forget has proven so useless. time never once kept its promise of ridding our souls of the demons within. straight ahead solemnly rests a fortune left for those who tread the path on which we so often swore we´d never run from ourselves. swore we'd never grow so weak we’d call for help. never planned to give into hate and defeat. never dreamt i’d wake up with bloody knees and broken wrists from a fight i never fought fucking hard enough. what have i done with these last few years? the grin of a lost cause staring at me in the mirror. maybe we’re just in love with love itself yet (always) in a single image it seems to dwell. so clench your fists all you like, the sky will never answer. it’s never answered. it was never even listening. sometimes the world scares the shit out of me. this is where everything ends. before i read through these chapters again i’ll burn all the pages i failed to comprehend. trying to forget has proven so useless. time surely will keep its promise of marching on, leaving us with the choice to pick up our fucking pace or to throw in the towel without having ever shed a single drop of sweat, living life addicted to regret. i know you are, i know I am (3x) and as i keep on walking. worn the skin off my face. my knees collapse from the weight on my back. lying here, everything still looks the same , even though it’s been so long since i left this forsaken place. just a boy and the dust underneath his feet. oh feet! pick up your pace until the scenery fades.
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Continents. Dresden, Germany
An attempt at bridging the gaps between desperation, aggression, hope and honesty but somehow getting stuck naked somewhere in the middle of nowhere screaming your lungs out.
a soundtrack, a tragedy, a smile.
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